this was us leaving the hospital!

I was in a staff meeting at Living Faith Community Church when I received a call on Monday from Jamie that Nicolas was being discharged! I was filled with emotions of anxiety of being a dad 24/7 now, pride of this little one being so strong and of course the excitement that he will be out of the neo natal intensive care unit. in about a week ago, Nicolas was on a breather and now he is ready to come home.

As we settled into home, it was a time of adjusting to feeding (Nicolas would coo…and babble to let us know that he is hungry). he has some play time after each feeding where he opens his eyes and he has this very intense face (why so serious) and his eyes traces side to side as if he is being shady. he makes funny bodily noises and during the third day at home, one diaper change, he peed into the air, some hitting his face and outfit…a few hours later, as I was wiping his cute butt, he farts in my face…the next change, his eyes was open facing me and he gave me a smile which made it all worth it.

the nights are tough but jamie and are having a system of feeding, changing and resting. i am energized throughout the day and i recite psalms throughout the day as a part of my devotion. balancing ministry, life with a new child and of course making sure Jamie and I continue to remember to connect and remind each other about the love and faith that has brought us to this moment.

today we went to the pediatrician for nicolas’ first visit and he gained .5 lbs! we have to go back since he is a preemie and the doctors told us to be vigilant in not exposing him to too many visitors since he has underdeveloped immune system. So, it will be a little longer before he is introduced to our community.

each night when we look at him, we are reminded that he belongs to God and to our community. how his start began with a community that placed us on this journey that is filled with so much prayer and support. the facebook wall posts, the emails of others who had preemie babies, the food drop-offs and the volunteers to help with cleaning has humbled us to wonder what in the world did we do to deserve this kind of love. We are so thankful for this.

well here are some pictures for you!

man, my hand smells good!

It has been an incredible 5 days and in some ways it has been a time of such anticipation and expectations. our little nicolas has entered into our lives with his typical theme of “beyond timetables.” here is a brief summary of events of these last few days…

as you know, our baby was due to be born on october 6th with the doctors hoping to induce labor so that the threat of infection from the preterm premature rupture of the membrane (PPROM) would not be a factor to our baby. so far, so good…we were getting ready and even preparing for a small prayer and baby shower today…but noooo…nicolas wants to make sure he doesn’t miss the action. on monday morning, september 29th, jamie woke up in the morning with some surprise (you can ask her the details). The doctors suspected she was going into labor although jamie didn’t feel the contractions…she called me as I was heading off to the Living Faith Community Church staff meeting and although I thought the situation at the hospital was not that urgent but wanted to be there with her for support. But when I arrived at the hospital, Jamie was beginning to feel something. something big…

So, they checked and she was dilating…we then went to labor and delivery ward and it was then, she started to feel the contractions. ladies and gentlemen, i know you have heard stories and seen movies about the pain. jamie is one of the strongest women i have ever seen (She was a Park Ranger at Yosemite!!!) and she was struggling…so for 10 hours she was in labor and at one point she succumbed to the pain and had some pain management (whew, finally, after she had her pain management, she was doing much much better). we listened to worship songs, I read from the Psalms to her. at one point Jamie’s temperature was going up and our baby’s heartrate was also going up (which a sign of infection, so the hospital staff was keeping close watch). But her labor progressed and before we knew it…it was coming.

I coached her with our wonderful doctor, nurse and my mom to count to 10 as she pushed. 1, 2, 3, 4, ….. 10, breathe and…PUSH 1, 2, 3, 4,…at one point i had to take a break from the room because i thought I was going to pass out…but I was able to stay put. by 7:15 pm, our little boy’s head was showing and woosh, he entered our room. they took him immediate in the neo natal intensive care unit (NICU) since he was a preemie but we were able to get a good glimpse of him and mommy was able to give him a little kiss before he was rushed out. all i remember was seeing my mom cry as he came into the world and me not being able to stop staring at his nipples. HE HAD NIPPLES! Nippy Jr. (inside joke, if you really want to know, ask our friend Joanna)

Nicolas’ first night, he had difficulty breathing so they put him on a breathing apparatus. when we walked into the NICU, we were so moved and our hearts was filled with awe, affection and simple affinity. we gave thanks to God. Jamie shared with me that even though the pain was unbelievable, whenever she sees Nicolas, she doesn’t make the association between the two. Her heart is just filled with love.

the second day: we went to see him and he was breathing without tubes! what a strong beautiful boy. he had some eye discharge which was normal for newborns. He was not taking to feeding. he spit it back up, so more IV for him. 

third day: he struggled but was able to suckle for breast feeding. he had some complications with sodium in him so they added some to his IV and he still had some blood issues but the doctors were ministering antibiotics. his eye discharge was getting a bit worse and the doctors administered antibiotics for his eyes. 

fourth day: he opened his eyes! it was absolutely adorable. jamie said he smiled at her. i burped him for the first time when he fed and it was so funny! blurp! he is feeding better. woot woot. so that is the current update and I know, you want pictures so here they are…

jamie in the NICU with Nicolas

our little one on the third day...he likes his incubator

"look at my eyes, MY EYES! not my nipple! I caught you looking!"

Thank you all for being part of this, we are amazed by your generosity (our registry is almost finished! but there is still some time for you if you want! We are registered at amazon here. special thanks to Living Faith Community Church for your prayers and support (especially the food! we had some ladies cook up some amazing food and broths that are PERFECT!). 

Nicolas will be in the NICU for another week or two to treat some jaundice and a bacteria in his blood due to some complications and also for his right eye (which is being treated for infection). He is doing well. 

Jamie is recovering from the labor and delivery, for the time being we are meeting with family and would love to see you all but we need this time to rest and to organize our trips to the hospital. Please be patient with us. But if you would like to help we would love for you to come and help prepare our Chinatown apartment with some cleaning, moving and setting up a crib. If you have time shoot me an email to tell me the dates and times you are available. Also, we would love FOOD! It saves us from going out to eat and having to cook. So, if you like to help with your fantastic cooking, we would love this. 

We are learning so much about community, trusting in God, taking each day as a moment of grace and provision. We hope to see you all in person one day! Nicolas says “thank you for praying for me, I know I have been full of surprises but I am doing so much better!” We love you. We love you and once again thank you for showing us God’s love through this.

here is nicolas a few hours he was born, he needed help breathing

for nicolas  

tender little one, with beautiful lips breathing,

your arrival upon us reminds us of a voice

greater than all the cosmos but also arrived in an breath like yours that echos to this day

today, you arrive because of thousands of words of prayer arrived at the throne. this day is not ours alone. they are part of this story and we belong to a family. 

prayers escape me, each time, my hesitation compounded by doubt

i am afraid i will fail you

i think of years to come

your footsteps as you walk alongside our community

your giggles as we playfully scatter words

forming of your voice as we stumble through hymns

your tears when despair overwhelms 

scrapes as I comfort you with a hug and latex

putting costumes on you as you flicker into some hero

being among the poor and learning they are beloved of Christ

failing one another but finding redemption in our frailties

a day of reversal when you will now teach an old man about faith

I love you my dear child

your eyes opened when we went to see you for the first time. thank you little one

your precious eyes that is formed by the same sacred hand that formed the majesty of skies

for 

the first 

time

the sight of your little body filled my heart with such wonder of our creator and my eyes were heavy with tears of mixed joy and worship.

my heart detours to moments of paused silence and i am fascinated by the shape of your mouth as you breathed

our little boy, who in his arrival has reminded me again..

how i love you because he loved us first

Peter’s Post, September 15, 2008

Hi everyone,

Thank you for your prayers and thoughts. It has been a trying few days, but there is a time for respite and waiting. Here is a breakdown of events for your reading. On Saturday morning, Jamie and I were going to our Birthing Center orientation and tour at St. Luke’s Roosevelt Hospital. In the morning, Jamie mentioned that she had some more than usual discharge. We didn’t think much of it. But by the time the afternoon was upon us, it was more than just a simple discharge but rather more of a trickle. We made a call to our doctor and she told us to to go to St. Luke’s Labor and Delivery. We thought that it was a formality and it was just so we can be sure everything is okay. The resident took a look at us and said that Jamie’s water broke and she would be admitted into the hospital.

The next few hours were the most difficult as our OB/GYN told us that Jamie had to stay and be monitored because there was risk to the baby and to Jamie. They told us that it is important that the baby needs to stay in the womb because the baby’s lungs are still not developed yet and can lead to a lot of complications. As we learned more, we had a preterm, premature rupture of the membrane (PPROM).

We will be in the hospital until Thumper arrives so it could be a week or up to 4 weeks. The later our baby stays there the more ideal it is. When the baby arrives he will be in the neo natal unit where they will help him breathe and eat. Depending how the little one does he might be in the neo natal unit for 3-4 weeks until he is home with us. The neo natal pediatrician met with us yesterday reassured us that our baby has a good chance of being healthy but there is a small chance that the child will have some disabilities or complications. It is something that is hard to predict but wanted to make sure we know our facts.

Today we had some consultations and meeting with some doctors to see how his weight is, his lungs and also how Jamie is doing with the treatments, she had pain from one of the antibiotics. They told us everything is good including his weight so far and that the baby seems to be staying put. Jamie’s amnio is good and there is enough fluid there for our little baby. The OB GYN told us that if the baby can stay put for three to four weeks, then they will deliver the baby. But if he comes sooner they will deliver as well but it will be more complicated.

It has been a taxing journey for us emotionally and we had a lot of visitors which was nice but it was tiring as well since we didn’t have much time to take in everything. We are mourning a for our baby’s journey being so complicated and having the idea of tubes going in him at the beginning of his journey here on earth does bring us to tears but we trust that it will be an encouragement to our community and that it is just the Prologue for our little one not the complete story.

We ask for prayer for strength and trust in our Lord. Please pray for Jamie as she will be on bedrest till the little one comes…she has been such a beautifully strong woman during all of this and she inspires me with the joy that is in heart and the strength she has. Pray for me as I am trying to figure out ministry, seminary and preparation of the home. Spiritually, I am trusting deeply on His goodness but emotionally I am having moments of complete joy and courage but also moments when we realize how much we love this baby and want so much for him.

We are pretty spent right now and could use your encouragement and prayers.

I wanted to say thank you for your love. So many of our tears are for our baby but many of them are tears of joy of how much love we have received and again reminds us that we are such tremendous objects of grace. If you want to visit us please feel free to, we are at St. Luke’s Roosevelt on 58th Street and 10th avenue, just give us a call and we will let you know where to go to find us.

We love you very much. And thumper is going to love you very much too! Please pray with us…remember us in your thoughts and moments of reflection.

If you want to visit us, please give me or Jamie a call. Visiting hours at St. Luke is from 10 am to 8 pm. So please come as Jamie will be knitting, reading and finally finishing our wedding album!

Remaining in Him,

Jamie, Peter and our little Thumper.

Jamie’s Post, September 19, 2008

Dear Family-

My time on hospital bedrest has been going by surprisingly fast.  Most of my day is spent talking to doctors and nurses, reading books and magazines, and receiving our many visitors!  We’ve settled down from the chaos of the weekend, where we were afraid that I would go into labor and our little one would be born premature at 31 weeks, to waiting and hoping that Thumper will sit tight until 34 or 35 weeks, which would put us at the end of September or the beginning of October.  Every day that passes means less time that our baby has to spend in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, where he would need a lot of help breathing and eating.  Of all the emotions I felt over the weekend, it was hardest for me to think of Thumper starting out his life in this way.  I was relieved and incredibly thankful to hear that if he were born between 34-35 weeks, he would probably only need a few days of monitoring in the NICU before coming home with us.

At the same time, there are other women here who have different stories and prayer needs.  I am glad that my child is not yet in the NICU but I mourn and pray for those whose first days are such a struggle.  As you pray for us, please pray for them as well.   

I am thankful for

Every extra day of growth and development for little Thumper.

Peter’s patient and servant heart in loving Thumper and I through this time.  He has been incredibly selfless throughout a difficult and challenging week.  Please pray for Peter as well, that he may experience rest, refreshment, and redemption in unexpected and lasting ways.

The overwhelming response of prayer and well wishes from our community…games of Go Fish, hanging a Giants football from my IV pole, and more snacks than I can possibly eat!  It would have been so easy for us as new parents to enter into this journey by ourselves, but this time has really forced us to appreciate and praise God for the depth of love that surrounds us.  We want to continue to invite you in as we begin the work of raising this child.

Small freedoms

Shower and bathroom privileges.  Moving about without the hindrance of being hooked up to a machine or an IV.  Eating a solid meal after twenty-four hours of being on a liquid diet.  Peeking out into the hallway as I wash my hands at the sink in my room, knowing that I am unable to explore that suddenly fascinating domain.

Mommy & Thumper time

I have had a lot of Mommy and Thumper time, getting more acquainted with his motions and wondering what his personality will be like, especially since he has chosen to assert himself so early!  As the nurses monitor his heartbeat daily and we will have weekly ultrasounds, we are able to see and hear Thumper much more than we normally would.  I am in awe at this little gift that God has given us, and hope to decide on a name for him soon!

Looking ahead

Please continue to pray for our preparations for the labor, delivery and receiving the child into our home, especially as I will not be able to help Peter in setting up a place for Thumper.  This new time frame has changed my perspective a lot…I am no longer stressing out about getting our home in perfect order as much as trusting that the truly important things will be taken care of.  I pray for patience through the small challenges of being on bedrest and that I would make the most of this unexpected time to rest, reflect, and revel in the love that God lavishes on me.